<3

7:29 am  •  •  2 notes  •  View comments

1:16 pm  •  •  3 notes  •  View comments

But I gotta tell you, it’s alright.

Whenever you’re near me, I don’t need to hide.

Yet I’m feeling helpless, I don’t need it, I feel like I’m in love,

At least, that’s the way I see it.

5:51 pm  •  •  1 note  •  View comments

Time seems to be moving excruciatingly slow when you’re not with me =(

1:42 pm  •  •  View comments

Credits to Siti for taking this awesome picture of us :D

10:10 am  •  •  3 notes  •  View comments

11/11/11 marks the first year since you’ve left us.

I do not believe in the idea of god, nor I believe in the heavens or hell,

but if I were to be so foolishly arrogant or sorely mistaken,

I sincerely wish you are in a better place.

The world is too cruel and obscene for someone as beautiful as you to live in.

I often ponder about you. Where are you right now? Are you thinking of me, Vincent and mommy too?

I know I think of you all the time.

Can you feel it when I do?

I hope that’s true because I really miss you.

I woke up crying on the 9th because I was reminded that the 11th of November was just two days away.

A year has gone by but it felt like only yesterday, that I was eight and that you were rubbing my back to sleep. I remember the story you told me about how you and your husband (I’ve never had the chance to meet my grandma’s husband so, it’s weird to call him my grandfather), went on your movie date at the cinema and all the funny things that happened during the date.

All the memories of you and I are still freshly embedded in my mind. I can still remember your voice, the way you smell and your warmth.

It’s a pity that we’re not able to be together now. I wish you could see where I am right now. I’m finally here, in the states, as planned. Still doing art, still drawing, just like you’ve always imagined me to be.

Only that you’re not here to share all of this with me.

But, it’s all right.

You are not forgotten.

You might not be physically with us anymore but I don’t feel your absence all though I miss you a lot. It just feels like you’ve gone away for awhile but I know we will meet again.

Till then, take care Popo. I love you.

7:23 pm  •  •  4 notes  •  View comments

So, here I am.

In this position, once again.

Attached.

What I thought was going to be a not-so positive idea, if I would’ve told myself five months ago.

But here, I am.

In this position, once again.

Only this time, I’m happy.

Happier than I’ve been in a long time.

—-

I left Malaysia, firstly, ending a relationship with a good friend (and will always be) and secondly, burning bridges with someone whom I thought genuinely cared about me.

I told myself, that it’ll be a good and healthy break for me to be single - for once.

I’ve been in and out of relationships since I was fourteen. I am twenty-four. 

I am not a whore, mind you. 

All my relationships have been steady ones that usually last for years. So, I do not have as many boyfriends as you think I had.

I’ve had my fair share of the good, the bad and the crazies. I’ve been hurt and disappointed one too many times. Honestly, I’ve pretty much given up hope at one point or another. Hell, I’ve even gave up of the idea of marriage for a period of time. I mean, what’s the point - really? What goes up must always come down, right? My past experiences taught me so and needless to say, my parents’ idea of their “marriage” has never been (not even close to) a good example.

But I always had hope.

Sometimes, I would often think that it was foolish for anyone to have hope in anything. Faith seems to be such an unrealistic and far-fetched virtue, if you asked me. Probably because I’m just a natural skeptic. Bad habits die hard, I suppose but I always had a glimmer of hope and it comes from a very vulnerable place within me.

It’s always nice to receive some form of attention, whether it be good or bad from people who might be interested in you but that’s all I’ve been receiving ever since I got here. Guys with sketchy intentions and creepy approaches. Nothing new to me. I always seem to attract the weirdoes anyway. All my close friends would testify to that. 

They always seem nice in the beginning. Just the beginning though.

Once again, I’ve fallen into a trail of disappointment and heart ache.

Is it really that difficult to find a nice guy?

I remember how I broke into tears while I was all alone, late at night at the sculpting studio in school, thinking of that prick back home that tricked me into thinking we were more than just a surreal figment of imagination and all these other guys here in San Francisco with their sketchy, dodgy intentions. It made me question my worth and I wondered if the real problem actually lies with me.

After a day or two of mopping and self-pity, I’ve decided to just keep my head high and to be positive about the future. Come what may! There’s nothing that I can’t handle at this point of my life. I’m a big girl. 

Until I found someone that made me feel like a giddy, love-struck teenager.

Everything happened so quickly but it never felt so right,

It was nerve-wrecking yet assuring,

It felt like I was flying so high but yet I was falling in too deep,

I haven’t had this feeling for a very long time. I was lost but now I’m found.

This feeling was almost foreign yet familiar but most of all, comforting.

I could go on ranting forever because it’s unexplainable.

What I’m trying to say is, that it’s all good.

… and I would love to keep it this way, for as long as I can.

—-

So, here I am, once again. In this position. 

The only difference is that I want this time to be the last.

6:59 pm  •  •  4 notes  •  View comments

My brother is visiting from Portland, Oregon here in San Francisco! <3 

6:04 pm  •  •  3 notes  •  View comments

The Boyfriend <3

2:46 am  •  •  2 notes  •  View comments

2:29 pm  •  •  View comments